Cinderella ♥ Snow-White

(I wrote this for my creative writing class, the assignment was to do a retelling of a fairytale/myth and of course I made it gay and put stupid jokes in there)

‘Alright Cindy, we’re off now, probably won’t be back until about 7 so would you mind having some food ready for us when we come back? And don’t just order pizza again, I’m not exactly made of money.’ 

Cinderella didn’t have time to answer before her stepmother ran down the stairs.

‘I am not responsible for my reaction if you call me Cindy,’ she said, ‘You call me Cinderella, or Ella, or NOTHING.’

 About a year ago, Cinderella and her dad moved in with his new wife and her two daughters, Anastasia and Drizella. She wrote a lot about it on her blog.

‘I thought it was going to be great to have a whole new family, but to be honest it’s been a bit of a disappointment so far. My dad is away for business all the time, and my stepmom is taking my stepsisters to their pageants every weekend so very often it’s just me left in the house taking care of the cat and doing the dishes and everything. My dad said I could probably have the big bedroom in the attic, but they’ve been using it to store Ann and Driz’s old pageant dresses so I stay in the spare room now. I’ve made it look cosy with a load of pictures I cut out from magazines on the wall. I found a great one of Anne Hathaway at the Oscars the other day, wearing that beautiful silky white dress. I just wish I had some exciting things to look forward to you know? A party where I could wear a really nice dress and some amazing shoes, or just a night out in town, but I haven’t really had the chance to make new friends around here. I did get a facebook invitation for this ball yesterday. It’s organised by a guy called Prince Charming, he’s supposed to be a really big deal. Ann and Driz are probably going, but I don’t really have anything to wear so I guess I’ll just stay in and catch up on some fashion blogs.’

Cinderella switched off the computer and opened her closet. She let her hands touch the fabric of the clothes, and they all felt rough and washed. 

~

 ‘Snow-White, you are NOT going out in these clothes! You poor dead mother and father would be ashamed if they saw you now!’

‘You know nothing about my parents you idiot, I wear whatever I want.’

‘Do NOT talk to me like that!’

Snow-White ran back up the stairs before her stepmother could see her angry tears. Yesterday she hadn’t been sure, she had felt a twinge of sympathy for the old woman endlessly fighting the aging process getting stuck with, let’s face it, one hot piece of stepdaughter. But today she knew she had to get away. She carefully wiped the tears from her eyes as not to ruin her eyeliner, and looked in the mirror. Her yellow shorts, blue tank top and red shiny Doc Marten boots made her feel like a superhero, the primary colours somehow creating a powerful unity. 

‘I can do this,’ she said out loud. 

She stuffed some more clothes into her backpack and climbed out the window, hopping onto the roof of the shed and then onto the ground. She ran away without looking back.

~

Cinderella let herself fall face down on the bed. She’d just cooked, done the dishes and made the beds, and then just when she had wanted to settle down and watch a few Sex And The City reruns her stepmother had asked her to tidy the living room so it would make a nice background for the pictures of Anastasia and Drizella in their hideous dresses for the ball. They were probably in line to get in now, desperate to impress that Prince Charming bloke. 

She pulled herself up and opened her laptop. If no one wants to listen to you in real life, there’s always twitter.

@CinderellaLovesShoes I wish I could go to that stupid ball just so I could wear an insane dress!! #fml

As she balanced her computer on the side of her bed to stare at some pictures of what she might have worn, she heard someone walking up the stairs with clicking heels. 

@CinderellaLovesShoes omg someone is in my house??!! SCARED!! I hope it’s my stepmum coming back early?

Just as she hit enter her door flung open, and a tall lady in a floor length purple dress appeared. She hit her wig on the doorframe as she came in. 

‘Well hello girl! Now I don’t mean to be rude, but you look like a sloppy hot mess! Let’s get those clothes off of you and get you into a truly sickening outfit!’

 ‘Who are you?’

‘I am your Fairy Drag Mother, of course! I help young girls and boys who just want to look fabulous! I saw your tweet about wanting to go to the ball, and I came over as soon as I could. Now tell me, what is it that you want to wear?’

‘You’re taking me to the ball?’

‘No honey, you’re going to the ball by yourself, I’m just here to provide the fashion extravaganza. Let’s start with the dress. What is it you’re going for?’

‘Well, which dresses do you have?’

‘Any dress you want darling, when I snap my fingers you’ll be wearing it.’

‘Could you make it an asymmetrical silver sequin dress? Just above the knee?’

‘I like the way you think!’ 

Fairy Drag Mother snapped her fingers and a cloud of glitter enveloped Cinderella. When it disappeared, she was wearing the exact dress she had been imagining.

‘Thank you so much Fairy Drag Mother! I’ve never worn anything as pretty as this!’

‘Oooh you’re not done yet, you’re gonna need a pair of shoes. And I need to add some volume to your hair!’

‘I want a pair of 6 inch platform heels! Made of transparent Perspex! With spikes on the nose!’

‘Your wish is my command. Work it girl!’

After another outburst of glitter settled down on the floor, Cinderella was wearing the shoes. Her long blonde hair was more wavy and shiny than it had ever been, and her lips were the colour of a ripe cherry. 

‘I look amazing! I can’t wait to get to the ball! Will there be a chariot made of glitter to take me there? With four white unicorns?’

‘Girl, let’s not overdo it ok? I’ve had to downsize drastically because of the recession. I’ll call you a taxi.’

‘Is there nothing I have to do in return?’

‘There is one condition... you have to return before midnight. Your fantabulous dress will turn back into that pathetic onesie you were wearing. Don’t be late! Now sashay away!’

~

Snow-White cracked open another can of Strongbow and sat down on the side of the sofa next to her friend Dopey.

‘Thank you so much for letting me stay here man, I really wouldn’t have known where else to go, and if I stayed at home with my stepmum another day I would have gone insane,’ she said. 

‘Hey no problem! It’s nice to have a girl around you know, living with six other guys can get pretty intense,’ he said.

‘It’s really cool that you got a house with your band though! Have you settled on a band name yet?’

‘Yeah, we’re called The Seven Dwarfs now. Because we’re all quite short you know?’

‘Haha, that’s brilliant!’

‘Hey, this weird old lady came to the house today and sold us some X. Do you want any?’

She felt her heart start to beat faster. She’d never done drugs before, but what the hell right? 

‘Yeah sure, thanks!’

Dopey handed her a small red pill with a picture of an apple on it. She could feel the adrenaline rushing through her as she swallowed it. 

‘Did Sneezy tell you about this insane party tonight? There’ll be some really good bands on. ’ he said.

‘That sounds amazing, when are we leaving?’

In the next hour, things happened to Snow-White rather than with her. She had a vague recollection of walking into town with the Seven Dwarfs all decked out in their leather jackets and ripped up jeans, and she was sure she had been in a bar, and there had been music, but now she just wanted to go outside, get some air, maybe have a cigarette, or just sit down, or... The pavement felt cold against her cheek, but comforting. 

‘I’m just gonna lay here for a bit... everything is going to be fine...’ 

~

@CinderellaLovesShoes on my way to the ball in THE most amazing outfit I’ve ever worn! Thank you so much @FairyDragMother!!!

Cinderella put her phone back into her bag and looked out the window of the car at the people standing outside the pubs smoking and talking. When the taxi took a turn, she spotted her. A girl with short black hair, seemingly unconscious, laying on the floor. 

‘Stop the car! We need to help that girl!’ she called out. 

‘I’m not taking her into the taxi love, she’ll be sick all over the seats,’ the driver said.

‘Well fine let me out then, I’m not just going to leave her there to die!’

Cinderella wobbled slightly on her heels as she stepped out and kneeled down next to the girl.

‘Hey, are you alright? Are you awake?’

The girl tried to lift her head and Cinderella pulled her up to sit. 

‘What the fuck man, what happened?’

‘I don’t know, I just saw you laying there all on your own and I wanted to help. I’m Cinderella. You can call me Ella.’

‘Alright Ella, thanks! Bollocks man, I took some xtc, it must have been bad. But I feel alright now actually, I guess passing out on the street did me good. Where are you going in that gorgeous outfit?’

‘I’m going to the ball! It’s hosted by Prince Charming. Did you hear about it?’

‘Prince Charming? I went to school with him. I hate that guy! Hey, can I come? That’d be such a laugh.’

Cinderella took a good look at Snow-White as she stood up. She had some holes in her tights and her red lipstick was a little smeared, but to her she was Joan Jett, she was a young Courtney Love, she was a raven haired Debbie Harry, she was the most beautifully rough punk princess she’d ever seen. 

She grinned. ‘Sure! Let’s go!’                

Everyone stared at the two girls as they walked into the ballroom. Cinderella dramatically flipped her hair as she walked past her stepsisters, awkwardly sipping their Diet Cokes in the corner. 

‘Woohoo, free booze! This night is turning out way better that I expected. Bottoms up!’ said Snow-White as she handed Cinderella a Jaegerbomb.

A boy in an ill-fitting smoking jacket and a fedora made his way towards them.

‘Well hello young lady I haven’t had the pleasure to meet yet. And hello Snow-White.’

He grabbed Cinderella’s hand and planted a kiss on it. ‘May I ask what your name is?’

‘Cinderella. You must be Prince Charming.’

‘Lovely to meet you. May I call you Cindy?’

‘No... no you may not actually,’ she said as she pulled her hand away.

‘Alright, can I get you ladies a drink?’

‘They’re free, mate,’ said Snow-White.

‘They’re free because I paid for them! This is my party you know.’

‘Alright, two Jaegerbombs then,’ said Cinderella. 

‘I told you,’ Snow-White whispered in her ear as he turned around to order the drinks, ‘complete and utter tosser.’

He handed Cinderella her drink, and put his arm around her waist. 

‘So why is it that I’ve never seen you before?’

‘Oi, get your hands of me!’ she said, and pushed him away.

‘Hey, do you know who you’re talking to? I organised this whole thing! Am I not good enough for you or something? Are you one of those bitches that doesn’t like nice guys?’

‘Actually,’ Cinderella said, ‘I’m one of those bitches that only likes other bitches. Bye bye now!’

While Prince Charming stormed off, Snow-White doubled over laughing. ‘Oh man I wouldn’t have missed that for the world. Let’s get another drink and go dancing!’

They danced together the whole night, only stopping sometimes to make fun of Prince Charming, but suddenly Cinderella froze and pulled out her phone.

‘Oh my God it’s a quarter to twelve! I need to get home before midnight!’ she cried out.

‘Why, are you on a curfew or something?’ 

‘Yes, kind of... yes, I just really need to go now.’

Cinderella ran outside to the taxi rank, nearly tripping in her heels.

‘Wait!’ Snow-White ran after her, ‘fuck curfews, the night is just starting!’

She caught up with Cinderella just as she tumbled forwards into the taxi.

‘I really need to go... but it was lovely to meet you.’

‘And you.’ Snow-White reached out to stroke her hair, but Cinderella pulled her in for a kiss. She gasped as she pulled away and shut the door of the car.

‘Bye bye my love...’

‘WAIT!’ Snow-White called out as the car pulled away, ‘You lost your shoe! And I didn’t get your number! Come back!’ 

But the taxi had driven off already, leaving Snow-White on her own, holding the Perspex shoe.

She mumbled to herself as she was walking home. ‘I will find her! I will ring the door on ever house in the city! I will ask every single person I meet if they know a Cinderella! I WILL find her!’

She opened the door and lay down on the sofa.

When she woke up the next morning she had a sudden epiphany. ‘I could just see if I can find her on facebook!’

Unfortunately Cinderella was a very popular name, so Snow-White didn’t get very far. But then it dawned on her. The shoe, the shoe was the key to finding her! She put it on the table and took a picture of it with her phone.

Snow-White Jones added a photo

ATTENTION, does anyone know a girl called Cinderella? She was at the ball yesterday and lost this shoe. I would like to give it back to her. Please share!

Only a few hours later, Cinderella had come across the photo of the shoe. The next day she came to The Seven Dwarfs’ house to pick it up. She never left.

They lived happily ever after. Except they couldn’t get married, because gay marriage wasn’t yet legalised in fairytale land.